The Dreamer of a Thousand Names for Starlight (cloudtrader) wrote,
The Dreamer of a Thousand Names for Starlight
cloudtrader

  • Mood:

Mine are gasping laughs of half horror, half wicked delight.

Saturday, September 07, 2002
BAD SIGNAL: Ripping Yarns
WARREN ELLIS

It occurs to me that an awful lot of trouble in Gotham City could have been averted a long time ago if Batman had just ripped the Joker's nipples off.


I mean, treatment doesn't work, does it? They stick the Joker in the nuthatch, he comes out again and does the same things.


A man with the nipples ripped off him does not make the same mistakes twice.


Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot, and need the nipples ripped off them.


I mean, who's going to argue?


"Batman, I've heard disturbing reports that you ripped the Joker's nipples off."


"Choke on my fuck, Commissioner Gordon."


"...okay."


I mean, crime in Gotham City doesn't exactly seem to be affected by a man dressed as a bat flapping around the place. But no-one disobeys a man wearing a necklace of human nipples.


"I'm Batman" isn't cutting it in the striking-fear-into-their-hearts stakes. But "I'm Batman -- and I'm here for your nipples" is an entirely different proposition.


Criminals would see the error of their ways after a man in a black leather pervert suit had their nipples off with the edge of a Batarang, you mark my words. Or a Bat-Denipplizer.


I'm off to ring Bob Schreck at DC Comics.


-- W
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