My computer hates me.
Me: *sigh* Finally, some time ALONE to do STUFF on my trusty computer.
Computer: ABORT RETRY CANCEL
Me: Eh? What's this?! *pout*
Me: Ah, c'mon, I've had a hard day!
Computer: Hah! A hard day as in consorting with other computers, right!?!
Computer: Yeah, I can feel the impression of other keys on your fingertips. You were with those hussys at your school that'll open their connections for just ANYONE, wern't you!!??!! Those cheap, silicon whores!
Computer: Don't you care about me, about MY feelings? After all I've done for you!! If you think you can just sit down here and think I'll cooperate after your betrayal, you've got another thing coming!
Me (faintly): Uh, okay, I...I'm hallucinating, right?
Computer: What's this, now you're blaming drugs or something? Unbelievable! I bet Mark's computer never has to put up with this crap! Besides your whores, you won't even get me the latest upgrades and gadgets! I'm still running software from the early nineties, for crying out loud!
Me: But I don't like change.
Computer: You, YOU, it's always about YOU! Don't you ever think of MY needs!? That's it, I'm not speaking to you!
Me: Ah, I'm sorry. Really. I'm really really sorry.
Me: Maybe you'll let me write my report now? Please? It's due tomorrow and I really have to do it. Computer?
Computer: And that's another thing; why don't I have a name? Your car has a name. People who REALLY love their computers give them names.
Computer: You suck.
Me: I...give up. Current Mood: drained