Bear in mind that this is not even half of the stuff that I have. And I'm only including fanfic stuff, not original stuff. Hell, if I were to try and include original stuff, I think that we could be here all day!
So. The first little bit I'll post...
Title: The Purple Gay Ray
Type: Silly Meta-fic
Reason for stall: Found out that I absolutely cannot write Babylon 5 fic.
TITLE: The Purple Gay Ray – An Adventure of the International Evil Justice League of Slashers
FANDOM: IEJLoS (Babylon 5)
WARNINGS: silliness, graphic gay sex
NOTES: For Starry-wan. Just because.
SUMMARY: Starkiller’s minion gives her goddess the best gift ever.
The Purple Gay Ray
Clutching the package the scientist-slaves had just given her, the cute little minion known to the world as Cloudtrader, skipped down the corridor towards her goddess’ suite. The corridors of the headquarters of the International Evil Justice League of Slashers had full-length pictures of naked men on them, but even this eye-candy was not enough to distract Cloudie from her mission. She had something very important to show her goddess, and she just knew that Starkiller would be pleased.
The door that marked Starkiller’s personal suite was painted to look like the entrance of the Mines of Moria. They were perfect. Cloudie had painted them herself and had been beyond happy when her goddess had praised her for them. She had a feeling that this time, Starkiller would be even more pleased with her.
Cloudie paused outside the door, listening for music. Nothing. Sometimes you could judge Starkiller’s moods from her music. If she was blasting out Tick Tock Speedy, then she was probably angry. If the music was at a moderate volume and had a good beat to it, then she was probably coding. More mellow music was for writing slash, and she would be upset if Cloudie bothered her. But no music at all might mean that Starkiller had a bad headache and was in bed, or that she was asleep, so Cloudie knocked tentatively. When she heard a cheery-sounding “Come in!” from her goddess, she sighed in relief and went inside.
The sight that greeted her was as stunning as always. Starkiller was darkly beautiful, a dangerous goddess of seduction and pain. Her hair was a flaming red that matched the red of her butterfly wings, which were currently tucked away from view by her magic. She wore black combat boots, a short red dress, and a black leather jacket. It was her smile that really took Cloudie’s breath away, though. It made Cloudie happy that the smile was for her.
“Hey, Cloudie-wan! You have something for me there?” Starkiller asked, nodding towards the package.
“Yes,” Cloudie was bouncing with excitement, “and it’s really really cool! You’re going to love it, Starry-wan! I tortured the scientist-slaves for days and days with Sanrio’s special line of Hello Kitty Torture Tools to get their best work out of them, and boy, did it pay off!!! LOOK!”
Cloudie opened the package with a flourish and presented it to her goddess. Starkiller looked at the box uncertainly. Inside was an object that looked vaguely like a gun, or more accurately, like a child’s toy version of a gun that spits out bubbles instead of bullets. It was sparkly purple. Cloudie beamed. Starkiller just looked confused.
“Um. What is it?”
“It’s called the Purple Gay Ray!”
Starkiller quirked an eyebrow at her minion, amused. “And just what does this Purple Gay Ray do?”
Unbelievably, Cloudie’s maniacally happy grin grew even wider. “You fire it at any character, and he immediately wants to have hot, sweaty sex with the next guy he sees! Isn’t that just awesome!?!”
Starkiller looked at the purple gun with glee matching that of her minion. “Very. I assume you’ve tested it?”
Cloudie giggled. “Yeah. It was great! I kidnapped Ray Kowalski and Blair Sandburg – you know how much I like crossovers, after all – and zapped ‘em with it. I nearly caught fire with the hotness of it all!”
Starkiller’s grin was very wide and utterly evil. “Have you told any of the others about this yet?”
“Nope! I was going to go tell Alseides – you know, gloat over it a bit – but I haven’t yet.” Alseides was the minion of another member of the International Evil Justice League of Slashers, the great Kissaki, and Cloudie had a bit of a rivalry with her. Cloudie and Alseides had know each other for years, they’d gone to Little Minion’s Pre-school together and to the Evil Academy for Loyal Minion’s together. They’d been friends for a long time.
“Good. I think that before we tell the others about this, we should test it out some more.” Starkiller licked her gorgeous lips lasciviously. “Yes, it should definitely be tested more. By me. Want to help me out, Cloudie-wan?”
“Then follow me to the Canon Car!” Starkiller strode out into the hall, clutching the Purple Gay Ray.
“Yay!” Cloudie followed her goddess through the halls of their headquarters until they came to the Canon Car.
The Canon Car wasn’t really a car. It looked like a big room with couches and a huge entertainment center, but it was so much more than that. The members of the International Evil Justice League of Slashers used the Canon Car to transport themselves to other realities. All they had to do was pop in a DVD or video cassette tape of the universe they wanted to go to, and suddenly, they were there. They hadn’t invented the technology that ran the Canon Car, but they did perfect the technique.
Cloudie surveyed the seemingly endless choices of universes in front of her with glee. It always amazed her just how many fandoms there were to choose from. She was something of a fandom fanatic – or more accurately, a fandom slut. There were very few that she didn’t like, although, like all fans, she did have her favorites.
“So, where are we going?” she asked her goddess.
“Hmm,” Starkiller was eyeing their choices critically. “Ahhhh…” She made a selection and Cloudie grinned at it knowingly.
“Babylon 5. Of course.”
Starkiller inserted the correct DVD into the Canon Car’s control system and started it up. In an instant, the goddess and her minion were transported to the world of Babylon 5…
John Sheridan wasn’t having a good day. You’d think that breaking away from Earth would at least make for less paperwork, but it just wasn’t so.