The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.
This cracked me up so bad. OMG, it is SO SO SO TRUE!!!!
You were born somewhere else.
Not me, I'm a California girl born and raised.
You know how to eat an artichoke.
...people don't know how to eat artichokes? Really?
The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.
Yes. I have had people tell me about the massive bugs and stuff people in other places have to deal with, but here? Well, the Fruit Fly is our scariest bug, heh.
Your car has bullet-proof windows.
Not ACTUALLY true, but I do wish they did, because I have had one of the windows of my car shot out.
Left is right and right is wrong.
I don't get this one.
Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
Now that is just silly.
You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.
No son, so there!
You drive to your neighborhood block party.
Sadly, it is true.
Your family tree contains "significant others."
And why would it not?
You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.
You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.
So silly -- the lawyers just hang out in emergency rooms, they don't ACTUALLY chase those ambulances...
More than clothes come out of the closets.
Yes. But at least we're a semi-sorta-almost safe state to do it in.
You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
Not me personally, but yes.
More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.
Smoking in your office is not optional.
I don't get this one. Why is it not optional? I mean, smoking in public places and indoors is illegal, but you still have the option to go to a designated smoking area outside and blacken your lungs.
You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.
*shrugs* Well, I guess. I've seen snow once, anyway. Don't remember what I packed.
When you can't schedule a meeting because you must "do lunch."
Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.
See, if I were a trendy Californian I would probably know what Birkenstocks are.
Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.
Dude, TOTALLY! Rain! OMG! And thunder and lightening are so rare that it is an Event.
You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.
"Yeah, like, it so totally sucks!"
You consult your horoscope before planning your day.
A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery.
*snorts* Yeah right. Maybe in Wine Country, but not so much in the rest of the state.
All highways into the state say: "no fruits."
For a perfectly legimitate reason! Those damn Fruit Flies! They are evil little critters that eat our fruit!
All highways out of the state say: "Go back."
Um, I don't actually think this is true...
The Terminator is your governor
You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
Actually, I am rather fuzzy on that...
It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH"
Heh. Yes. It is really funny. But also not because flash floods are bad and yeah.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from California.
*waves at California friends.
There should have been other things on this list. Like how we call our highways freeways and refer to them as THE 101 or THE 405 instead of just 101 or 405, and how we also call them things like the Ventura Freeway and how we have specific slang refering to 3-out-of-4 lanes of traffic being blocked and how we've named freeway intersections things like The Orange Crush and The Four Level. Or maybe that is too specifically Southern California/Los Angeles? But there should have been something about how every other city starts with either "San", "Los", or "Santa". And about how everyone here is pretty zen about seeing film industry people filming everywhere. And stuff. *flails*
I think there was other stuff I wanted to post about but. I forget. Oh well.