No, we don't have that obscure physics book your father wants in-stock because, contrary to popular belief, we actually can't carry every single book ever published in our store.
No, we don't have The Da Vinci Code in paperback because IT IS NOT OUT YET IN PAPERBACK. No, it won't be out soon. Why? Because it has been on the bestseller list for two years now and publishers like money.
You saw some book about cats on one of our tables a couple of months ago and you expect it to still be there now!?!?! And you expect us to remember it and just magically know which one you're talking about!?!?
Out-Of-Print means I can't order it for you. No, really, I can't! I swear to God, there is absolutely no way for me to get this book for you, so stop asking!!!
No, we cannot guarantee Christmas delivery (you dumbfuck).
Yes, we are sold out of that book that everyone wants. Why? Because, amazingly, EVERYONE WANTS IT.
Yes, the computer says that we should have a copy of that book in-stock. However, customers tend to mess up the shelves. Other customers steal things. Also, that book might be on hold for another customer. I'm sorry if it is the only thing that will make your dying Aunt Gerdie happy, but I can't conjur the book up out of thin air!
No, we do not sell video games. We sell books about video games, but not the games themselves. The reason we do not sell the games is WE ARE A BOOK STORE.
I'm sorry our line was long, but you know what? Chirstmas is only days away and you are the one who chose to wait this long to get your shopping done.
I'm sorry that our phones were busy the first two times you tried to call. We only have four lines in and they have all been busy non-stop since before we opened. You can take your ire out on me, but there really isn't anything I can do about that, and you yelling at me kinda makes me not want to admit that we have that book that you ABSOLUTELY MUST HAVE in-stock...
Do not play on the escalator. It is not a ride and we are NOT Disneyland!!!!!
I know it is on your son's wishlist, but no matter how hard he wishes, Harry Potter 6 will not be out in time for Santa to give it to him this Christmas.
Yes, you have to wait in line like everyone else even if you did call ahead to have your book put on hold.
I am not a babysitter. You cannot leave your seven year old child in the store alone for two hours while you go catch a movie (you retarded fucking CUNT).
No, you cannot just "borrow" a book for a little while, no, we do not have a photocopier. WE ARE NOT A LIBRARY! Do you really think you could get away with this shit at a library?
Yes, we have books with pictures of naked people in them. We even have books that have visuals of people having, *gasp omg*, SEX. It is YOUR job to stop your kid from picking up those books, not ours.
No, you may not bring your dog into the store. I do not care if it is cute and fits in your purse.
Please... for the love of humanity... for my tenuous sanity... PLEASE STOP PRESSING THE BUTTON THAT MAKES THAT BOOK SING "FROSTY THE SNOWMAN"!!!!!!!