The Dreamer of a Thousand Names for Starlight (cloudtrader) wrote,
The Dreamer of a Thousand Names for Starlight

it seemed like a appropriate time to post this, I'm sorry if I hurt you but I want to share

Earlier this year, one of my friends died. I wrote this for her, and for me and now I'm crying while I try to post this.

When I was fourteen
I didn't know you
Know about you
Know you existed
Know I would know you
Know anyone who knew you
Know I would love you

When I was fourteen
You didn't exist in my heart

When I was nineteen
I knew of you
You were an old friend of a new friend
We passed at parties and I thought
"she seems nice."
At no time then
Did I think you'd fill my heart

When I was nineteen
I learned your name

When I was twenty-three
We went to Disneyland
And on a roadtrip to San Francisco
I knew you
At movies, in cars, through stories from friends,
At my house (never yours), on the phone...
I knew you

When I was twenty-three
We were friends

When I was twenty-five
I went far away
So far away
I lost touch with friends and family
There were emails (sometimes)
There were letters (rarely)
And on occasion stories from other friends

When I was twenty-five
You lost touch (I lost)

When I was twenty-six
You told us
We cried, but we were strong
All our friends were there for you
When your hair fell out
And the drugs made you ache
And the surgery took your confidence

When I was twenty-six
I knew you'd make it through

When I was twenty-seven
We talked about the future
We planned our trip to Europe
(when you got all better)
We went to Disneyland
We talked until late at night
on your driveway, in my car

When I was twenty-seven
You were my friend

When I was twenty-eight
You told us...
You told us it came back
We went to lunch and then walking
(that was the second to last time
that I saw you,
the last time
that I talked to you)

When I was twenty-eight
You died

Now I'm twenty-nine
I'm older
(you're not)
Fifteen years ago I didn't know you
Ten years ago I barely knew you
I didn't realize that in only ten years
Someone could fill my heart
With such joy and pain

Now I'm twenty-nine
And there is a hole in my life with you gone

To Victoria. Happy Birthday.

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