James Cameron. Green Goblin renamed G-1000, given special morphing powers. Spider-Man keeps saying, "I'll be back." And Mary Jane keeps saying, "I'll never let go."
Tim Burton. Title changed to Edward Spider-Hands. Winona Ryder as a goth Gwen Stacy. Climactic battle: Angry mob wielding pitchforks and torches calls for Spidey's head.
Quentin Tarantino. Set in the 70s. Peter Parker bitten by a psychedelic spider loaded with LSD. Samuel Jackson as jive-talking "J.J." Jameson, editor in chief at the Daily Brother.
Martin Scorsese: "Flash, are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? You must be talking to me, cuz there's no one else around."
Woody Allen. Peter Parker consults a shrink. Says he dresses up in colorful outfits and likes to go "swinging."
(Tatsuya Ishida wrote it, not me. He's cool. Go read Sinfest!)